Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize