Got a toothbrush?
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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