What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
