a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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