Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I did not marry a roomba.
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