This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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