I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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