did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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