Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
