I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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