We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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