i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
