90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
