I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
