i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
