omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
