dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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