I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
