laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
