Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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