just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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