Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
