i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
