im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
