Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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