you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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