she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
All I want is dick and wine.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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