I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize