i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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