So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
