Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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