She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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