yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize