Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
