I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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