You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
