So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
