And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
