I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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