yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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