no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
