Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize