piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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