What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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