Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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