Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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