Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
