The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
