I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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