Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Are my feet made of real feet?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
