i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
