i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize