I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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