i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
