I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I need water and some morals
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
