i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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