I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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