3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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