if you like me you must not know who I am
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
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