I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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