the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
