why do cheetos always look like penises
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
