so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
