Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
