You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
