if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
