What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize