ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
