On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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