Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
