The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
my shit smells like andre
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
