I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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