Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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