Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize