What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
