No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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