No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
