god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize