I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize