I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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