somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
