Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
