He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
