The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
