Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
