I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
