You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
