i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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