We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
