im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
