ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
