I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
