Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My dick has a subreddit
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
