Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
