just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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